I wanted my first blog post to just be a little bit about myself, my business & my ancestors. In the process of my website switch 2 very public figures committed suicide. I am normally very vocal & concerned about mental health issues, but I could not commit any time to these 2 situations when they happened.
I am saddened by the recent spike in suicides. I sympathize with the celebrities that committed suicide, but I'm just as concerned about the people who don't have a following that might be suffering. Unfortunately, suicide is a lot more common than we want to admit. Depression is even more common.
So many of us suffer in silence because we believe no one understands what we're going through. I don't have to imagine what you have to be going through to want to kill yourself. I don't have to wonder how bad you have to feel to go through with it. My ancestors' faith saved my life! The only reason I am here today is because of my family's religion. I was afraid to go to Hell!
I need someone to know I have been where you are. I know what it feels like to have black out curtains because you hate the sun shine. I know what it feels like to hate your loved ones because they aren't as miserable as you are. My significant other, high earning job, my family, not even my children could save me.
Depression is something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. I still have days that are dark. I have to continuously choose the light. The first step, however was choosing truth. I hated myself & I had to figure out why. I had to take an honest look at myself & my responsibility in my situations.
I was almost completely swallowed up in the darkness of depression. I was so depressed my body ached & I would stay in bed for days, but 1 little glimmer of light saved my life. I couldn't kill myself because I would go to hell & I couldn't continue to live in darkness. So I got up!
I got up & chose the light. The journey back to the light is a rough, hurtful one. You have to go through every aspect of your life & take responsibility for your part. You have to forgive others for harm they caused you, whether intentional or not. You have to come to terms with the reality that nobody is perfect. Everyone is broken to some extent.
The hardest part is admitting your own flaws & forgiving yourself. The day I surrendered to the universe is the day my life changed. That day I learned to perfectly love my imperfect self. I realized that I was no better nor worse off than anyone else.
You have to choose truth. You have to choose you every single day. You have to know that your light is just as valuable as anyone else's. Be honest with yourself & the people around you. If you're too ashamed or too far into the darkness, call the national suicide hotline. They don't know you to tell anyone your business & they're there specifically for you.
You're not alone. You're not worthless. You're not ugly. You're not fat. You're beautiful. Every day you are here is A gift to the world & you're 1 step closer to your destiny. There are so many people that love you & need you here even if you can't see it. The greatest weapon against the darkness that threatens to engulf you is the light inside you. Stay strong. The world needs your light.
*National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255